The all emcompassing feeling

Well this blog is offically completely updated. All my entries from live journal hidden away are now up. Everything from 24 on, an entire few years on paper is a completely interesting thing to fall appon at another date.

Why love must be such an all encompassing feeling I will never understand. It starts with such an overwhelming sickness. Invading your thoughts, your mind, your body, your spirit with joy and hapiness. The adventure of learning a new person and sharing yourself with them.

Slowly they become everyday living, you get used to their snoring, and bodily functions. Thier habits and hatreds. Needs and wants become issues and a realationship is borne.
Feelings will be hurt and tears will be shed. Yelling will ensue at times, and I will find what my father has always told me about holding my temper a lesson I am still struggling to learn.

When its over, this love emotion, or even when for reasons of the outside world pushing in it must be taken and pushed to the back behind our everyday lives. The level of all encompassing pain is amazing. It comes up like a wave overtaking your mind again, and your emotions this time are the horrible ones. The tear enducing, deep sob creating heart wretching emotions we all hide from. The complete loss of rational thought ensues, and actions like eating and talking become so difficult. The sense of being alone takes over and you for an instant forget who you are. Left there to rebuild...alone. Yourself.

There is no way to block it out. It over comes. There is no way to run away...it finds you in the darkest night when you least expect it.
Somewhere in there and here in SF is lost the magic I so desperately love. The sense of adventure and wanderlust. San Francisco, once my inspiration now drains me of happy thoughts and leaves money grubbing social conscience ones in it their place.

So now I sit, with a love so far away. Encompassed by the sense of freedom that I do not want, and the long road ahead to rebuilding. Rebuilding something from afar that in person needs to work. A theory of love, that in practice sometimes strains the soul.

What then...is this love... like a disease. It affects us all.