Backtracking Updates from afar: Landmines

Monday, June 26th, 2006
1:04 pm
Landmines
Please leave me here in the trees by the water sun on my face staring into the sky and watching the birds fly by without a care in the world.
A memory.
My heart is tortured my soul left a tattered shell...tears and anarchy are the badges of today. Something so near has become a ship disappearing on the horizon into a sunset so perfect. Made clear that I am not worthy of anything real just a passing feeling in a sea of faces as the ship sails without me. You wave and I cry when your not looking...the land-mines blow up in my face as the guard dogs bite my heels.

Whittled down to a guarded broken heart by all that is the emotional mine fields and cold centaurs in between you and I. Silly of me to try..I should've packed my M1 to get through that...what a place to play what a wonderful day...I hope you had.... have everything you wanted...I guess Im free now to go.....shattered again left to fend feeling lost and wondering, when, how, what now, why does it take so long to figure out what you want? When does it get easier not to cry in the morning when you aren't here and then again when you don't call to tuck me in.
Let me find the smiles and open ranges free of your army of judgmental soldiers poised outside of the door waiting for my stumble so they can kick me when Im down. Listening for a crack in my tone to pounce and point out my mispronounced words. To laugh at me and point fingers like the senior prom I never went to. Flashing me in the face when Im relaxed with bright lights and accusatory blurbs of speech. They float above my head like a marquee sideways renditions of what they think I am.
Don't tease me with talk of love,life and the great beyond...I've drown in that water you held me under too long .....watch my lifeless body float by. Im gone.

I found a piece of my broken heart this weekend I tucked it in my pocket a reminder of you. The time I spent smiling and the grass under my feet. Screwed up interactions, interferences and someone who will never meet me in that field of love in my new world. Trying to break my stride on the street entertaining the idea to people you meet of us, then and now. Land-mines explode behind you my heart implodes....mission complete.