Tuesday, June 13th, 2006
1:02 pm
What it takes....
To snap yourself out of a booze induced lapse in sanity. PAIN. I've crawled away from deaths black picket-fenced yard and back into my body for the first time in two weeks. I've reclaimed my kidney from the Makers Mark and Jameson and don't plan on giving it back,for a long while...cheers to long hard thinking before I drink with reckless abandon to deal again. Drinking and Drug doing will be happy occasions free of everyday monotony. Special and planned at times when I can enjoy them because...while I was writhing in pain for two weeks walking about alcohol free and club-less. I discovered once again to my horror that I was Bored with my music,uninspired by the events and people surrounding me and lost in a sea of faces all looking to me for answers being pulled around like a puppet. Drinking to blur my reality...missing the turns and twists that I should have been making. On auto pilot.
So I took a trip out of this concrete, drama scene, fake faces and fake personalities into the unknown. had a chance to sit down and laugh for the first time in months my phone didn't bother me with silly questions for two whole days. My mind wandered in the stars and the leaves above my head butterflies played with me in the sun and you know what? I came back inspired,loved,well fed and with a reason to believe that "real" isn't just a laughable phrase uttered by the most fake when in doubt. Instead I know its something that sneaks up on you and makes you feel something when you thought you couldn't anymore. Just like love and happiness always seem too.
Tired of the Players,and the suckers...the whims and wants...ready for this dirty trick to be over...oh and if you think Ill be back your wrong...after being asked if Im "ready" to do my clothing I realized that clearly some peeps have still not gotten the hint...Im ready...I've been doing my clothing for a while and will continue to do so...and in my moments of uninspired arty moody weirdness I do not need your .....drugs,alcohol,pity,sadness,tears,raised voices,or drama instead you could try a smile,hug,plate of soul food or nice hot cup of tea..cause don't you see...you cant be me and I cant fix you. I have only a short time here to do what it is I feel will make me happy and having almost had all that pulled out from under me by a bottle,fake people and a heart break, is fucking to horrible to even imagine..you've fooled me with shiny things,fast girls,Faster boys,clever ploys,fast cars, and silly time consuming events with no meaning. My time as an observer is over I've found that I desire more than the average grade person these days...give me brilliant,inspired,beautiful inside and out or let me alone to wander my path alone sweetheart cause your cramping my style and clouding my mind with your fake vision of what everything should be. When really the only thing you know is how to imitate your surroundings,and Im done with imitators.
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