Backtracking Updates from afar:Like car engines fighting in the snow

Monday, June 5th, 2006
12:59 pm
Like car engines fighting in the snow
After a long weekend of work, play, making the rent and not making it out of bed before noon. I've seen the sun rise and set watched the water and wind blow me around this town.

One in love
One confused
One alone
One who could care less. We make an interesting bunch Ill tell you..watching us all stumble through our twenties I can't help but wonder,wish and hope for it all to make sense sometime soon.
I gather my things and head for the door like a hyper active tumble weed my brain keeps me from staying to long. My broken heart keeps me from caring and the door closes. I run for my cab I can't wait for the wheels to turn and take me away from all that makes no sense. The silly games and unnecessary awkward moments I sigh a happy sigh of relief and smile as we make our way down the hill out of the fog. Back into my reality that I create alone in the night with a glint of I told you so lingering on my heels and a "I don't give a fuck" on my lips I make my way.
How much longer will this go on? Am I caught adrift again? Lost in a forest? Lacking interest and anything true? Is it you? is it me? who are we? What to do now? I've never known what's good for me...this is true. What am I holding out for?
She's straight...He's gay...They were both only in the way ...
Do you want to come over and kill some time?
The good ones are all dead and have left me here with thier memories, echoing laughter and voices inside my head. They are all still dead.
You'll find me hiding in shadows...sipping my wine and watching the rat race for another day. Searching for answers in music, meetings, passing glances, sunsets and stars...listening to your wind-chimes for hours and wishing for a sign that everything is as it should be.Wishing I understood more and wondered less watching seeds sprout into flowers as the spring turns to summer and we turn freckled and brown.
Ill pay for you anytime...hold your hand and wander around...but then you leave and Ill go on because there isn't anything for us to hold on to anymore.Ive become bored melodramatic and sad. Remembering times when it wasn't so bad under it all.
Do you want to come over and kill some time?


"Hello there angel from my nightmare."

you are the bluest light.