Backtracking Updates from afar:Fustomers

Tuesday, May 9th, 2006
12:49 pm
Fustomers
So at my job which I rarely write about because clearly it interests me about as much as a useless tit on a male dog.

There is an infamous customer....(there's always one at any job.) Her name is Barbara Rosenburg, and she is a terror.
This morning I was unexpectedly ambushed by her at the very moment I happened to open the store. I swear I must have been there for about 5 minutes before she comes squealing in.

This woman's face is pulled and tucked in so many places its hard not to be startled when you turn around and find her there staring at her hideous face in one of the many mirrors throughout the store. Today was especially terrifying she must have just gotten her botox injections upstairs at the salon or something. Her skin was puffy and glistening with some kind of lotion all over it. Her lips puffed out and unmovable no expression visible through the pulled and tucked botox filled dermas.

She croaks at me about 6 bottles of spanish perfume she's ordered that clearly hasn't come in yet. Now ole Barb knows how things work round CFK (Christine Foley Botique) she's the only customer that gets a discount and has been torturing sales associates for as long as I've worked here and prolly way way way before I ever even dreamed of working in retail. So Im fairly sure that she is aware that we ALWAYS call customers who have ordered when their products when they come in. Despite this she decides to insult my intelligence and the intelligence of the other three sales people she's bothered about the perfume in the last week and insists that I call all the other stores to make sure that her perfume isn't there and that it is ordered.

Which I do stifling my laughter and trying not to look directly into her face for fear I will be turned to stone. As I reassure her for the third time this week that her perfume is not in I begin to wonder just how old this marvel of human creation my actually be. I mean no one wants to age and wrinkles suck but for the love of something real if you cant move your face and you look like your permanently stuck in a wind tunnel when you are standing still you should prolly just let time take its course for a minute or two and hope for the best.

I think she may be around 65 maybe early 70s her uncontrollable shaking gives it all away. I assume its a side effect of some product she slathers on herself daily to try and fool you into thinking she's youthful. She fingers a handbag that appears to be a retro knock off and comments about how it looks like something she had back in the 50's thus dating herself realizing her mistake she immediately throws the bag down and exclaims " I couldn't walk around with THAT...it will really make me look old." Lady your not fooling anyone a handbag isn't going to help you look any younger when you look like leather yourself. Luckily the slip-up in timelines frightened her and she took one more look in the mirror as she was leaving and stomped out into the lobby to harass someone else with her piercing jewish accent and frightening facelift.Leaving me to straighten up the mess she's made of the store and watch the trophy wives hustle children from one side of the hotel to another and laugh uncontrollably in the back room