Backtracking Updates from afar: Monsters,Messes and the Insomniac

Monday, March 6th, 2006
11:58 am
Monsters,Messes and the Insomniac
"You put yourself in stupid places, yes I think you know its true.... situations where its easy to look down on you.... think you like to be the victim think you like to be in pain I think you make yourself the victim almost every day. You do what you do.... you say what you say...you know all the right people you play all the right games. You always do it again. When will you ever learn. Do that stupid dance for me .....when will you ever learn?"-E

Friday I went to a monologue theatrical performance about internet dating,wasting time in mismatched relationships and finding compatibility. It was hilarious, 70 minutes of a woman's trials and tribulations in the midst of divorce internet chat rooms and cyber sex. Weird coincidence that I had invited a girl I met on the internet to come with me to the show. Appon leaving the theater I planned on making my way home and then out to party after party and on into saturday morning somewhere south of market. Appon sitting on my bed I realized that I was tired and unmotivated to go to a party and looking forward to a night of sleep and movies. That is exactly what happened fell asleep watching Kristen Dunst dance around in drop dead gorgeous and thoughts of Denise Richard's appeared in my dreams. Amazing
I was productive saturday working on flyers and moving about the city running errands n such. As the sun sets on Saturday night a whirlwind of activity begins with dinner. Mess on wheels showed up at my house with high expectations and higher delusions of grandure. Pacing this way and that with phone pressed to her ear yelling into the phone. I watched perplexed from my vantage point at the stove where I was boiling water for tea. Wondering why again I had convinced myself this would be a good idea. All hopes of a peaceable evening out the window as she squawked from my bathroom about hooking up and the inevitability of it happening. I roll my eyes back into my head and groan at my cup of tea. Why do people not get it? Its not enticing or even mildly interesting if I know I can have it sweetheart. Hooking up or whatever it is you call it is only fun if there's and aspect of hunting the prey involved. Has dating and hooking up digressed to such sad levels of desperation that Im supposed to be turned on by some chick squawking from my bathroom about how I simply HAVE to hook up with her while she's in town. What happened to lustful glances from across the room...undressing me with your eyes and and blowing kisses in my direction? Tact is a wonderful thing to have. She was so self absorbed she forgot to ask if I've been seeing anyone. I could've saved her some wasted breath if she had. My interest in her couldn't have been less anyway with the current situation and the fact that I am totally content with someone right now might have helped her understand my lack of interest otherwise. With her hidden agenda out in full view we head off to dinner me sulking behind with clouded thoughts of running into traffic and her babbling nonsensically into her phone or at me. Even staring at her ass in those ridiculously tight jeans she was wearing didn't make me feel any better. I was glad when dinner plans changed and we picked up a third party. Sushi and sake a plenty at the restaurant helped my mood a bit. Listening to the latest gossip at dinner and whose who of party and after party babble found me smiling and staring off into our neighbors plate of sashimi. Conversation not worth interjecting into and not worth listening to exact details of because you can stop and start listening at any time and the conversation will have changed none. How totally enthralling. I throw in my promotions shpeel about the fashion show out and take an interest for a moment in their babbling long enough to change the subject to something else. Have another kraft of sake and another and another...giggling and dropping of purses ensues..I have to go to work now. I had never been so thankful to be working on a saturday night before. We drive across town in our sake haze arrive early for work and my doorman checks his watch several times before commenting on my unusual arrival time.
I continue serving up the sake cocktails as I've never been one to disappoint...still hoping that a good time can be had by all. The sound of breaking glass breaks the relative calm drinking scene. A passing vagrant had busted out her window stolen her overnight bag and left a pile of broken glass on the sidewalk in homage to his score. Terrible thing to happen to anyone anytime really... however leaving a bag of stuff on your back seat in the haight is bad news for any car and having a bmw doesn't lessen your chances of getting robbed any. Drinking continues music gets better and louder the crowd thickens people are dancing and drinking and saturday night despite the weirdness, is getting better. I have a few shots to try and stave off the inevitable crash from getting wasted before work. It doesn't work soon my eyelids are drooping and my feet ache inside my shoes. I trudge back and forth behind the bar.... feeling like Im in some trench behind enemy lines in a war zone. European drinkers ordering "Coroners" and not tipping add to my general disinterest in work and set the tone of slave worker for me.
More friends arrive and then decide to set off for a night of drinking in the castro. I am not sad to see them go I sigh in relief as they meander out into the night. Hoping I can sneak away to my house later after the bars close before they can corner me. No such luck for me..at 2-am. Im bombarded by phone calls drunk revelers and a strange posse begins to form at my house. Im surprised less and less by anything as I get older but this night proved that at any age I can still be shocked by the depressing effects of alcohol and the aftermath of drinking.
Im still not totally sure what took place prior to these drunks finding their way to my house but I gathered that drinks were thrown fists were bared, People were yelling hands were waving and foul words were spoken. I could hear the level of chaos coming through the phone as my friend explained that someone was sitting in the street refusing to move and beating off any help, her plan was to drive the car around once they found it and throw her in it hogtied if needed. A few minutes later my phone rang again with more interesting news that the car was unfindable and she was now moving about fighting people and yelling. I am now unhappy with my former offer to have them come to my house as I hang up. They came ...quarantining people to separate rooms as they arrived was not my idea of a good time. There are bodies on my bed languishing in drunken giggling and twirling hair. Bodies on my floor and talking heads in every room demanding and expecting. The source of everyones dismay is in my hallway. The dark a silhouette of a girl babbling and refusing to come into the light. Wishing to stay in her land of darkness and confusion that she has created because coming out would mean starting to realize that she fucked up. I cant help her I just want her to leave. I want them all to leave....I don't have fun anymore catering to the fucked up atmosphere of chaos. My friend doles out the powder and things speed up and then simmer down in my room sleep begins to settle in for some I look down at my feet to see a girls figure crumpled and sleeping with half a sweater on hard wood under her head. My friend is practicing his prince impersonation in the mirror I take a moment to stop and giggle with him cause I don't the night to have been a total waste. I gaze at the clock....night has left us behind and morning is fast approaching. I cant wait for the morning and my escape from this weird world of booze,brawling women and talking heads. Sleep isn't in the game plan at this point I shower and start shuffling the sleeping and tripping individuals out the door. Finally gone after 6 hours of mediation I pack my bag and get into the car with my last standing roll dawg who has been sitting with me on my bed most of the night watching and observing with me the strange events of the last few hours. We stop at sparkys the all night diner on our way to the bus stop...dolly parton and hank williams are belting outta the juke box as we eat our bagels and hash-browns. We nod our heads at each other and agree that one of the strangest night s and longest mornings has just taken place. Glad to have it behind us we part ways at the bus stop he tells me that he thinks large groups of lesbians together is bad news and I have to agree. We laugh for too long and too loud as we are both deliriously tired at this point. I get on the bus and sink into my cloth seat...thinking about the transformations that have taken place in the past night. I've turned into an insomniac...my friends changed into monsters and seemingly normal atmospheres were changed into huge messes. Never again I tell you never again. Ill take a life of theater performances and movie nights over anything even remotely related to another night like that.
I get off the bus on the other-side and fall into the arms of my waiting prince who has the face of an angel...out of the madness and into the forest hidden away from all that is monstrous and messy.