7:08 pm Feburary 15th 2006
Silence and the ever changing world in the fog
So when you so unexpectedly died this morning.... I was at home sleeping. I got the call at work, being no stranger to this sort of thing I found that once again the feeling of having an anvil dropped on you from a high place doesn't get any easier no matter how many times you go through it. Things got really loud and most annoying all of a sudden and the outside only made it worse and me colder. The horrid fog as if on cue of your death had crept up the hill to surround me on the corner crying and waiting for my ride. I for some reason this morning felt that I wouldn't need a jacket today.....I ve never been so wrong. Standing there on the corner freezing in the fog feeling so alone and naked goose-bumps and shaking unstoppable. Just when Id thought it was safe to be happy and care free jacket-less and venerable not worried about tomorrow. Then the silence .....the long empty silence when everyone is there but far away...in the fog.
I thought about you on tuesday when I was hanging up new snippets of fashion ads from Vogue and Style. You once told me that keeping ads from fashion mags on your walls made you feel sexy and reminded you of me. " we have fashion together...thats what we have that they don't understand." and we laughed and sat on your floor and listened to Kylie Monogue until I couldn't take it anymore. Just you and me and the sun filtering in through the sliding glass door in your parents kitchen.
You came to christmas and tried to tear down the christmas tree while yelling indiscernible slurs at me drunkenly ...stole our gallon bottle of vodka that was bought to fuel the huge party into the morning and got tackled in my driveway in a re-con effort. All while keeping your designer shades on.
Driving madly through the castro on a hot summer night hanging out the windows yelling and growling 28 days later at the "fags" and laughing and laughing until we couldn't breathe any more......Or when we did mushrooms at the sunset party on the 4th of july out at stinson and you all were to fucking drunk to drive. I drove all six of us high outta my gourd to sonoma so you could hang out the window drinking your sparks in the back seat two blocks from the party and in front of a police cruiser. Got us pulled over and then talked so much shit to the officers they almost arrested you for public drunkenness. You cost me 200 bucks with that ticket and made me drive you to safeway after almost getting me arrested so you could get more beer. I will never tire of telling that story...or remembering that day. Because even when things were too fucked up I always knew you would apologize the next day cause you cared.
Remember the birthdays out on the path waiting in the trees in the dark for the generator..you yelling into the night because their were things in the trees you could hear them. Watching the sunrise as we hiked down the mountain tumbling and waking up the locals high outta our gourds on ecstasy and cheap beer. Us covered in dirt from sweating all night at some party where david harness was playing...drinking so many times...you throwing the whole camp into the bonfire on the beach plastic chairs and all "cause its time to fucking go!"
Kimos......I remember kimos on wednesday nights.........*********
Drunken rants on my answering machine and long conversations about the paths we've chosen........An honest word of fashion advice always...even when no one else would say it.
I could go on for days I have a head full of crazy beautiful memories....... if I could change one thing I would've wished Id told you recently how truly irreplaceable you are!I told you that I loved you so I know you know that shit! I hope they have an awesome selection of designer shades where your going and some kick ass dj is spinning 24-7 cause if they dont I know you will make a ruckus till they do!
Luv you isaac....RIP
Current Mood: crushed
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment