Monday, July 24th, 2006
2:31 pm
Ninja Tuxedo and the traveling chocolate show
Sometimes life throws you a series of events that are so far fetched even talking about them makes you feel like your in a movie. This weekend on top of being the hottest weekend of the summer was one of those adventures.
After spending a long sweaty afternoon in my friends upstairs apartment trying to drink and smoke away the heat. Records threatening to melt on the turntables and headphones bonded to my head with sweat. My phone started buzzing. The event of the evening is getting set up and Im late as usual..."the white chocolate is being poured into the pit and your not here." Im informed. My cue to pack up my records, finish my drink and high tail it down to the Supper club to start organizing the costumes and wrestlers for the white chocolate syrup wrestling show going on later that evening.
This event is a little different though because not only are we doing an event that night in SF but our tour bus is parked out back of the supper club and we are scheduled for another bout of chocolate wrestling the next night in LA. This means that at 4-am after a long night of wrestling in the sweet sticky ooze... we are 10 chocolate covered travelers loading onto the tour bus and driving all night to LA to make it happen all over again the next night.
The club was full. People were drinking and eating all along the walls on their white beds shoeless and dancing around other peoples tables on the floor. The chocolate ring was in the middle of the club filled with godiva white chocolate syrup waiting for the show to start. Spotlights were cued people were waiting and I made my way upstairs with the costumes and started dressing girls for the show. The dressing room was a mix of circus and stage. Everyone dressed in white for the event. Make up and hairspray were in the air and glitter was the theme of the evening. My head was spinning by the time I got down to the main floor with my glass of champagne to watch the matches start.
Sitting with the band off to one side I watched as my friends got sloppy and the mess that is chocolate syrup wrestling began to seep out over the edges of the pool. Cheering drunk patrons of the club were up in there chairs or bedside seating pumping fists and laughing watching the rounds on the projection screen above their heads. We are all smiles and the show goes on...as I became the human canvas.
Seated on a large platform in the middle of the club right next to the ring the chocolate painting began. Me a spotlight one pair of hot pants and two pasties the painter started painting. The chocolate was warm and gooey and once applied to my skin began to instantly harden into a chocolate crust. He painted trees and leaves on my back and around my chest the whole thing being projected above me on the screen so I can see myself close to naked covered in chocolate paint as its happening. I giggle and laugh as the paintbrush strokes tickle me and the chocolate smell intoxicates me. The band begins playing and the painting continues roses are brought to me by band members and girls in short dresses come down to poke their fingers in my mouth with more chocolate and kiss away the art in progress. I cant stop giggling. The painting is finally over and Im left covered in chocolate art a living canvas behind the band as they perform. Walking through the club to the backstage area I am attacked by groups of people wanting pictures and tastes. A strange ordeal for a strange girl Im thinking as a group of six iranian women my mothers age are pressed up against my chocolate skin squealing for pictures and poking me while giggling.
After scrubbing the hardened chocolate art off and returning to my job as stylist/stage manager I circulate through the club watching the matches and the club slowly becomes one big sticky chocolatey mess.
Out back sipping Don P and smoking later that evening suitcase packed and equipment being loaded in the tour bus we laugh and smell the fresh air. Girls giggling and sniffing each others chocolate sent. The club closes and we board the bus. Ten of us ready for an adventure.
That begins with one of the boys playing with the hydraulic jacks and knocking the tour bus around in an attempt to "drop it like its hot" eventually breaking one of the jacks. After about twenty minutes of trying to break the jacks off the vehicle and being unsuccessful someone crawled under the bus and kicked the jacks back under the bus thus enabling us to drive forward once again. The bus smelt like burnt rubber and as the smoke cloud was clearing we pulled away from the club and made our way to the freeway.
Sleeping in the back suite with the air conditioning blasting I wake up to 106 degree weather and the city of Los Angeles unfolding in front of me through the front window of the bus. Music blasting tour bus rocking we make our way into the valley first stop the venue for the show that night.
Opening the door from the air conditioned tour bus to the 106 degree surface of the sun landscape was less than fun. Instantly covered in sweat we step out of the bus and stand in front of the venue. Mouths fall open as we walk past piles of trash up as big as me piled along the outside of the warehouse.
"This doesn't look good" The inside of the warehouse is covered in trash as well not to mention dirty mattresses and tweakers seem to be dwelling in the sweltering corners of the place. Instantly appalled by the mess at hand I decide that Its time for me and the girls to do some costume shopping.
If you've never been to a thrift store in LA I highly recommend it.. They have some of the best thrift stores ever. Mostly designer stuff for super cheap and little to no competion. Its a veritable cornucopia of rad clothing.
We spent an hour or so sifting through for costumes and ended up with three more outfits for the show. Satisfied with our costume situation and alot more time to kill in 106 degree weather before the show we decide to do what any one with half a brain in the heat would do. Make our way to the STANDARD and sit by the rooftop pool drinking champagne until the boys were done cleaning out the sweltering pit of doom we were using as a venue that night.
Surrounded by fake tits tanned skin and men that looked like they should all be on a magazine cover somewhere. We soaked in the pool and danced around on the roof sipping champagne and wishing the day would never end. The pool-side cabanas with waterbed seating inside were busy with laughter and giggles as we fraternized with male strippers from reno and the music blasted around us. Down below us on the main street a huge techno party was setting up people milling about in anticipation of the evenings event unaware of the party on the roof staring down at them.
We watched as the sun disappeared slowly from the rooftop and the we began to dress ourselves again talking about the nights activities while wishing it would cool down just a bit.
Once back at the venue everyone was greeted by the boys sweaty, dirty and anticipating our arrival. The warehouse was clean however and the chocolate pool was being filled with air. The place was starting to look like a party and not just some dirty hole in the valley. The costume room was upstairs and I began my task of organizing and setting up the dressing room sweat pouring down my face. As the night began to fall we were all on last minute set up duty tacking up projection screens and sound checking, posting signs on the street where there weren't any and hauling booze to the bar.
I slipped into my disco ball gown purchased at the thrift store earlier that day,applied my makeup, pomp-adored my hair and it was show-time.
Interviews in the back and girls covered in chocolate running through the warehouse..my job to keep them wrestling in different outfits I watched as the costumes went from clean pristine to chocolate mess on the floor. Naked skin went from white to candy covered and the night went on. My friend at the shower was spraying the chocolate covered people in the face and watching the hipster LA hair cuts fly. Everyone was sweaty the chocolate was flying through the air along with the occasional pair of panties and people were screaming with pleasure.
The last round finally over we packed up the booze and what was left of the costumes ourselves and one of the cutest wrestling girls we could find and made it out to the tour bus. Interviewing on national radio in the front seat as the booze and craziness continue on the bus. I laugh as the police are cruising around outside the bus probably trying to make heads or tails out of the mayhem we have created outside the venue.
We make our way tour bus rocking booze flying downtown to a loft apartment where we commence drinking laughing our asses off and reveling in our chocolate madness.
In front of a stove at 6-am in a chocolate spattered gown with some of the best friends I have helping cook omelets for the crowded loft I look out onto a sleeping sunday morning in LA. I think to myself what a wonderful life it is and how privileged I am every day I am alive to be surrounded by such happiness and insanity.
Showering and passing out in a heap never felt so good. In the arms of a friend comforted by the air-conditioned atmosphere I slept. Awakened by the sounds of someone rushing to the airport to catch a flight we begin to wake up. Make our way back to the bus and realize that we now have a tour bus full of liquor trash and the leftovers of one really fun long hot weekend.
We spent our last day in LA on the beach in Venice shopping sleeping in the sun and drinking ourselves stupid. Avoiding the long drive back for as long as possible.
Drinking and laughing all the way home we rolled on the floor posed in the windows flashed passerby's in traffic and watched the hills in bakersfield aflame around us. Ninja Tuxedo high kicks became our mating call and vodka crans became the only thing to drink. Music blasting singing along to the tunes I looked around and my heart was warm. Smiles and laughter till our sides ached and we couldn't laugh anymore as dusk approached we opened the windows and sat on the outside of the sill waving at the other cars on the highway. Snapping pictures of each other and wishing that a fast food places would serve us food as we walked through the drive through.
Once home still feeling the tour bus moving under my feet as I tried to take a shower I couldn't get the happy grin off my face. What an adventure what a weekend and most of all what a crazy group of people I know. I love you. Until next time.
