This too shall pass

Why open yourself up to being torn apart again? Because some of us apparently have to learn the hard way.

Even as I wake up in them midst of sunshine and lush gardens, my heart inside my chest is ravaged like a set of hash brown potatoes sizzling in the pan. You wont show up at my window again, and we wont share a day of motobikes and waterfalls. I have no choice now but to come to grips with the reality that even here on the road, Ive picked a damaged fruit. My love as strong as it maybe cannot mend you, or fix the past and even as the sun beamed down on us for a few hours happy and care free. It will not last. You will always leave, and I will continue to cry.

So without you around, I will plan my trip again alone. I will discover alone and be alone once again. Figure out how to hold my head up yet again, greet strangers and try and not let them see how detached I really am. I am offically lost, theres no getting around it. There is no place for me, here there or anywhere really. At least here it is warm and the clouds they part for moments at a time. If I could just forget you, things would be so much easier. Wipe you out like a wave clears a lovers name from the sand.

The next few days will be bad, I can see them coming already. A tiny bungalow, and a huge gaping hole in my chest. Ive sutured it up now on several occasions, but I manage to tear them out each time as if it never happened. Maybe as you get older its harder to let go, as the prospect of love is a scary one. Maybe Im just as damaged as you, as lost and frightened of the real as you pretend not to be.

Dont cry ....you tell me. I watch as the last of your colored skin flits past my window and the pain sets in.