Order pizza ...call it a day.

Social networking something I have not grown to love in the new millenium. Sites where you can see and they can see and everyone can lurk and search and other wise invade your life. Endless hours of letting your imagination run wild creating fake scenarios of your boyfriends or girlfriends with recently friended "friends" How I wish I was back walking in the sun, down an endless road into wherever the hell I want to be. Outside of the mundane boring online social scenes and everyday bus rides. Watching the sun rise and set on the beach with your friends, having "no plans" none. An empty planner for months on end. Seeing whats to be seen and never proactivly confirming with anyone. Spending time with people I want to and finding comfort in the warm arms of a traveler. How quickly the dream shatters with a post about muffins. The door slams shut and the social networking age creeps in and slams your face into the wall. I say...I have canceled the show, not posted a topic and signed off for the day. Im ordering a pizza and calling it a day life. You have won for now...my imagination will stop here for the time being.

Distractions

The days go by, the sun rises and the sun sets. I take the train to work and walk myself home again in the evening. I wonder and I try and stop, try and focus on something anything. The focus is lost and Im not sure when its coming back. Im overwhelmed by thoughts of fleeing the country again. Wishing the ticket was booked and the room was rented.

I miss my travel companion who seems to be slowly slipping into oblivion on his end of the world. If I had a car I would drive far away and leave myself by some stream in the far outback.

With fashion week coming up and everyone demanding an outcome... I continue to take a juevenille approach extending my middle finger in the face of preparation and planning. Feeling the last minute looming I am aware that the next week calls me to become extremely creative.

Somethings gotta give here.....Im not sure what its going to be.. All I know is I wish I was sitting on a beach somewhere and not emersed in San Francisco. Meeting after meeting day after day.

Easy for you....

Love is definitely a twisted lie.

One day your flying high as a kite, lifted off the ground on invisible wings. Stomach all fluttered with anticipation of your next meeting. The whole time feeling guilty secretly in the back of your mind because feelings like that are surely always followed by the deepest darkest realms of sad and depressed.

Floating you walk from moment to moment so privileged and lucky the envy of everyone, blissed out on your intimate moments and secret games. Staring into each others eyes is a past time and feet touching under the covers you fall asleep in each others arms. Nothing can touch you and nothing can crush your happiness. Everything is possible and the world becomes bright with possibility.

At times it feels like the world comes flooding in on you and your secret games, your intimate moments should last a bit longer the secret touches should remain indefinitely. If not one thing in this life is love....LOVE ...not safe from the blasting cold winds of normality, or the mundane.

Do the trips to the grocery store for food week after week and the familiarity of each others smells and shapes kill the blissful flower blooming for such a short time? or is this just the nature of the beast? Is it then more sensible in love to loose all sense for those blessed moments of full bloom and then tear fearfully away at the first sign of morning dew?

To never recognize someones smell, or silhouette in the doorway. To only be for as long as the magic is fresh and run hard and fast for the nearest mountain as soon as things become familiar.

Love is a lie my friends .....I know for sure these days, that traditional Suzy homemaker you are looking for...shes gone...just like the polyester and black and white photographs that idealized her in her day. Those men, hell bent on marriage and kids and a green lawn they disappeared with the rolling mower and model T. The gentlemen who hold your doors and bring flowers to your first date, are a myth. Something designed to entice breeding, hope and all the things that in the end leave you crying in a pile on the floor.

I'm a loner, a stoner, and a girl without a clue. Ill walk alone into this tangled web woven all around us...and I wont look back. I wont ever wonder again which way is up, or which side of the bed is mine. Where you went or when you'll be back... Ill just remember ...love and all its bliss is a lie in its truest form.

My hallway is so long, and the sound of that door closing was the loudest sound Ive ever heard.

Summer Shines

Summer hits with a bang and the sun is out one day and the clouds are sealing in the humidity the next. Rains wash us down every other weekday but the weekends are so beautiful.

The sun is shining, art is rampant, beautiful women are showing signs of spring faded and summer full bloom. Sly looks from the corner of thier eyes so inviting. Tanned skin, and sun bleached hair waft from room to room.

Sweat beads on our foreheads as we dance under the dim light, and vaulted ceilings of summers hottest hidden afterhours spot. My dress rumples, my boots are wearing in the strangest of places and my muscles are regaining strength with each beat. Unfurling like a fiddle head in the dark, music takes us away.

The water is warm the wine cellar is empty already. Champange flows like water, ketamine is all around. We float....and we float...the world turns fuzzy on the edges. Naked skin in the night air....and Ill never see that girl again.

Oriental rugs, and a room with too many windows. The smell of wood polish and a five story mansion with your picture on the wall. We look out onto a city rampaging in front of us. The world is at our feet...literally. The light wont chase us here. Theres enough money now that the curtains are thick and the couches luxurious. You could hide forever ....here in the fog.

My friends lay a crumpled heap, as I fumble in the early morning light for my dress. My dress, and my boots....take me home. Curled up in my bed the next afternoon finds me in no time. Like it never happened, a night vision. A dream. But the warmth, inside and the smiles the feeling...it lingers and I know. I was there...and so were you, and we didnt fall.....we floated....and Ill never see that girl again.

Fabrics turn to dust, the wine glasses sit empty and the models have disapeared...

....and I was by myself.

What a beautiful night.